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2015 Power Rankings-Week 10
<---Previous Week [[2015 Power Rankings-Week 11|Next Week--->]] Introduction The name’s Rankings. Power Rankings. You can't tell but I put Tom Brady's head in the 007 logo. In honor of Spectre, the 24th Bond movie in a franchise dominated by movies that, let’s just be honest with each other, mostly aren’t very good, I present 007 themed Power Rankings! The league’s super villain #FreeOJ won a big one this week, while M, head of MI6 (the league), choked big time to ma ma momma said, who has looked more like Sean Connery than Timothy Dalton of late. After looking like a serious contender in October, Reign Maker’s team has turned into a huge Octopussy by losing their second straight game. Papa’s Posse did an Odd Job of beating Fire Goodell, nearly joining the list of lowest point totals by a losing team in the process. Meanwhile, Paddock 9’s performance was even worse than “Quantum of Solace,” and Dee bounced back like the Bond Franchise when “Casino Royale” premiered. Origin Story If you saw “Spectre,” you know that the writer’s gave Bond a very “huh?” origin story that popped in for about forty seconds and then was never spoken about again. Like Bond, we all have our origins as well. Let’s flashback to last season and see where we all were in the standings through nine weeks: * Through nine weeks last season, the top 6 teams had a combined 36 wins. This season they account for 32. * Through nine weeks last season, the top 6 teams had a combined 11,517.47 points. This season they account for 11,897.73. * Through nine weeks last season, 3 teams were tied for fourth. This season, 3 teams are tied for first, 2 teams are tied for fourth, and 3 teams are tied for sixth. * Of the top 6 teams through nine weeks last season, half are not currently in a playoff spot. * The top 6 teams through nine weeks last season account for 10 fewer wins this season. The bottom four account for 10 more wins this season. * The top 6 teams through nine weeks last season account for 787.89 fewer points this season. The bottom 4 teams through nine weeks last season account for 1475.50 more points this season. The column to the right shows how many more or less wins and points teams have in 2015 compared to 2014. For example, Reign Maker has four fewer wins in 2015. Join the Club Congrats to ma ma momma said, who becomes the second team to reach 13,000 points. What’s the opposite of congrats? Because that’s what we should give GaroppoblowMe and Paddock 9, for becoming the 2nd and 3rd teams to reach 40 losses (playoffs and regular season combined). They tie Papa’s Posse for the most combined losses of all time. Steven, Even Steven This week featured some great matchups and as a result between teams with storied histories. As a result of this week’s games, the franchise series between Paddock 9 and Dee is tied 3-3 and the franchise series between Fire Goodell and Papa’s Posse is tied 4-4. #FreeOJ takes a 3-2 lead in the franchise series with Reign Maker. They have never met in the post-season. New This Week * The Franchise Post-Season Scoring Statistics has finally been updated to actually include content. It features all the team's point totals for each post-season. I'll have a combined point totals chart for next week. * Finally put together the leader board for All-Time Franchise Win/Loss Records. These combine regular season and post-season games and do not differentiate between Consolation Tournament and Champions Bracket matchups. The Rankings 1(1). GaroppoblowMe Applicable Title: The World is Not Enough Applicable Villain/Bond Exchange: Bond-"The world is not enough." "Foolish Sentiment." Bond-"Family Motto." This loss hurt. I mean, it tore my heart out. I don’t know why, it felt like one of those losses that made me think “this team can’t win a Championship.” Let's take a look at the team's highlights (there are none). The TE position swung this one, with McCown’s scratch from the Brown’s game neutralizing the Barnidge Carnage and Jordan Reed’s last second TD dealing the deathblow at the end of the 1pm games. GaroppoblowMe remains in first place but in the last four weeks they allowed two teams to catch up to them and now the byes are coming down to point totals, where GBM barely holds the edge. The world is not enough for this team, who is in Championship Win or bust mode with their best team in franchise history. 2(3). ma ma momma said Applicable Title: License to Kill "You're a problem solver." Bond - "More of a problem eliminator." MMMS paid a visit to Q before this matchup, coming in with a full arsenal of explosive gadgets. Not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE wide receivers beat their projections this week. I know it takes two kills to qualify for double-O status but this win should really count twice. Give this team it’s license to murder because they have one of the most dangerous passing attacks the league has ever seen. Bryant and ODB on the same team should be illegal. Add in Landy and Adams and this team could light the whole league on fire like Franz Sanchez with a cigarette lighter. 3(4). FreeOJ Applicable Title: The Man with the Golden Gun “A duet between titans - My golden gun against your Walther PPK.” “One bullet against my six?” “I only need one, Mr. Bond.” Has there ever been a more confident villain than the man with the golden free agent pickups, #FreeOJ? FOJ had the win locked up before his QB and TE even took the field. They’ll have to hope for the same next week when both are on the bye. After dumping Marshawn Lynch, who hasn’t made much of a splash in 2015, FOJ may have hit on another treasure with Williams. And not to mention they nabbed Boldin after Lewis tore his ACL. However, GBM has been the Bond to their evil plans.Will they be shot in the heart like Francisco Scaramanga or will their one golden bullet be enough to overthrow the top seed once and for all? 4(2). The Shotti Bunch Applicable Title: A View to a Kill “You amuse me, Mr. Bond.” “It’s not mutual.” Shotti was witness to a murder this week. His own. With first place open for the taking, they got beat worse than Christopher Walken on top of the Golden Gate bridge! Is that “View to a Kill” reference too obscure for you guys? Okay, well they got beat worse than Greg Har...eh nevermind. I imagine losing to TEAM MANBEARPIG is like getting poked in the eye by Aqib Talib out of nowhere. Just tussling with the powerhouses at the top of the standings and WHAM, from the top ropes, MANBEARPIG comes in with the eye poke. And while the rest of the league was no doubt in TMBP’s corner, TSB was not amused and falls out of a bye spot..for now. Despite the loss, they remain the hottest team in the league and they get their big WR back next week. Sidenote This is Talib’s official statement regarding the eye poke: “You think I play football to poke people in the eye? It was an honest mistake. I went over to poke his head and my hand slipped...” I think we all collectively got dumber reading that just now. 5(5). Reign Maker Applicable Title: The Living Daylights “You could’ve been a live rich man, instead of a poor dead one.” Reign Maker got the living daylights beat out of them this week. Giving it all they had, they were beat by the top scoring team in the league for the second week in a row. After Tyler Eye-Fort and Duke “The Duke” Johnson went nuclear on Thursday, Reign Maker was crushed like Brad Whitaker under the bust of Wellington. What are their glaring flaws? Well, their defense has 13 combined points over the last two weeks. Outside of that they have a deep bench and a shiny new QB in Oakland phenom Patrick McAteer. An embarrassment of riches, and yet they can’t win a game. This team could be dead in the water just because of their schedule. But they’ve stayed fifth in the rankings despite two straight losses and in all reality this team scares the living daylights out of me. 6(7). Deez Sons of Bitchez Applicable Title: Tomorrow Never Dies “I used to look in the paper every day for your obituary.” Bond - “Sorry to disappoint.” And now we hit the patch of teams that just refuse to quit. The playoff hopes never seem to die for Deez Sons of Bitchez, who has looked more like Nick Nack than Jaws of late. Admittedly they have been shaken by losses three of the last five weeks, but they haven’t been...dare I say, stirred. Dee is still a threat to take a bye spot with three of their next four opponents combining for a 10-17 record. Dee is under the radar like a sunken British warship armed with missiles aimed at Beijing. Okay that last analogy got a little too specific, but the sentiment is there. Dee might be coming out of their slump but will they be able to beat the juggernauts when they reach the big dance? 7(8). TEAM MANBEARPIG Applicable Title: Die Another Day “You can’t kill my dreams, Mr. Bond. But my dreams can kill you. Time to face destiny.” “Time to face gravity.” TEAM MANBEARPIG has treated his star players like tricked out sports cars, taking them on high speed chases through the streets of London and dispensing all of the weapons in their arsenal before crashing them into the river where they have to be fished out and rehabbed for three-five weeks. The latest vehicle to take the plunge: Big Ben. HA. Big Ben. Like the clock in London. Big Ben is once again sidelined and that could mean disaster for the inaugural season. TMBP is 4-1 when Big Ben starts and 0-4 with any other QB. Now without Ben Kenobi for at least the next two weeks, TMBP will have to hope Q has another car in the garage for him to drive to victory. TMBP lives to die another day but might want to try at least once to not start players who aren’t going to touch the ball. 8(6). Papa’s Posse Applicable Title: Live and Let Die “What shall we drink to, Mr. Bond?” “Well, how about an earthquake?” Seems more and more like this team’s philosophy is to hang around just long enough for the other bubble teams to choke so they can sneak in and steal the 6 seed. Preying on the weak and praying for disaster, Papa’s Posse finds themselves in familiar territory headed into the final four weeks of the year. Even their game against Fire Goodell was more about their opponents failings than their success, but yet here they are. Drew Brees has really stepped it up but the rest of the team continues to slack. Jeremy Hill has to be the second worst first round draft pick this year when you take away all the guys that got KO’ed due to injury (see below for #1). All that being said, they went 3-1 against this four game spread to start the season so who is to say they can’t finish 7-6 and sneak in again? 9(6). Paddock 9 Applicable Title: You Only Live Twice “This is my second life.” “You only live twice, Mr. Bond.” When Paddock 9 beat #FreeOJ the season was deemed alive and well. Then they died. And then they were brought back to life by their most recent two game win streak. But now they may finally be dead and gone after a soul-crushing defeat this week to Deez Sons of Bitchez. You can only survive so many losses and P9 couldn’t catch the breaks early to still be considered a threat down the stretch. Granted, they’ll still probably pull an upset or two in the final weeks (I’m calling it, he’s going to ruin my season), but we can go ahead and cuncel da saeson if he loses to TEAM MANBEARPIG next week. Also, it looks like Paddock 9 may have made the worst first round pick imaginable this year, even with all the IR players. At least players on IR aren’t losing their team points. Eddie Lacy is the bust to end all busts. Sidenote Did you know that Roald Dahl wrote the script for “You Only Live Twice?” The same Roald who wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? The more you know. 10(10). Fire Goodell Applicable Title: Skyfall “Where the hell have you been?” “Enjoying Death.” Fire Goodell had the win if they started Sammy Watkins but as they say fantasy is a fickle bitch. The sky is falling and it seems like FG has no choice but to play spoiler from here on out. The Fantasy Gods are very pleased that they continue to set their lineup and pick up free agents despite their 2-7 record. As we know, the Gods award such behavior and this could pay dividends come next season. Just look at the four teams who finished out of the playoffs last year. Three are vying for the 1 seed. The fourth has forsaken the Gods and is struggling. In other news, FG’s lineup is where RBs go to die. For the second week in a row they lost a star running back with a torn ACL, this time Mr. Dion Lewis. Hey Goldfinger, Can you do us a favor and not pick up any more Patriot players? Maybe load up on Giants and Broncos. Sprinkle in a Jet or two. Matchup of the Week A week after taking down last year’s champion, FOJ will have to knock off 2015’s most powerful team. GBM has floundered of late but has still beaten projections five weeks in a row. Is that good news for #FreeOJ? They’ve won four times when their opponent scores higher than their season average. There is so much riding on this game for both teams with the bye spots still wide open. FOJ has very few options for a backup QB, especially with both free agent prospects Carr and Dalton being picked up. They are also in serious trouble if DeAngelo Williams can’t go. He accounted for 20% of the total points last week. As for GBM, the Patriots trio faces their Ernst Stavro Blofeld in New York. GBM team ownership asks for everyone to say a quick prayer for his hairline.